The Ultra Depressing Life of Halloween's Jamie Lloyd Part 3

Check out parts ONE and TWO!

Quick recap:  Jamie Lloyd is the daughter of Laurie Strode.  Her mom is dead.  She's also the niece of slasher Michael Myers.  He wants to kill her.  At the end of part five, she had been kidnapped by a mysterious Man in Black who is seemingly in league with Michael.  Could things get worse for the poor girl?  Oh yeah, they sure could.

"Hey guys, I'm new."

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers takes place 6 years after five and is the end of the loose Jamie trilogy (though it is clear she was more of an after thought in this one than the previous two).  It has to be noted that the actress who had brought us this character in parts four and five, Danielle Harris, is absent from this installment.  There's been a lot of speculation over the years as to why Danielle didn't come back but it seems to come down to money and her not being happy with the way her character was to be treated this time around (that should say something).  In her place is an actress named J.C. Brandy.  I have to be honest here, I didn't even realize that she was supposed to be the character of Jamie when I was younger.  The last time we saw Jamie she was 9 years old which means she should be 15 in this entry but the girl playing her always came across as being in her mid-twenties to me.  J.C. does a fine job with what she was given but I still wish Danielle would have been there to give the character closure.

So, let's get down to how things could possibly get worse for Jamie.  The Man in Black who kidnapped her is actually Dr. Wynn (the dude who apparently was giving Michael driving lessons) from the first Halloween who has secretly been a part of a cult manipulating the actions of Michael all along.  The Cult worships the Thorn rune and use blood sacrifices of the family members of their pawns to prevent a curse that would cause a plague upon the land.  Oh yeah, they also are scientists using the power of Thorn for weird experiments.  Something like that.  I don't know if anybody knows exactly what they are supposed to be up to honestly.  Anyways, the point is, when we first see Jamie this time she is giving birth.  She's supposed to be 15 years old and has been kidnapped for the past 6 years and has gotten pregnant somewhere along the way.  This is already really shady as it's clear that the cult have apparently raped her.  Rough.  But wanna get rougher?  It's implied that the father of this baby is Michael.  Her uncle.  Yep, things got worse. 

"Now I'm dead."

A nurse that helped deliver the baby has a change of heart and helps Jamie escape the cult.  Jamie is on the run but Michael is not far behind and ends up killing Jamie after all this time.  The baby is safely hidden but the heroine of the past two movies just died within the first ten minutes of her third appearance.  Michael takes her out by impaling her on some farm implement which he turns on and we get to see Jamie get churned up real good.  I've never understood why they got rid of her so early and easily but it's always kind of annoyed me.  It seems they wanted to turn their attention to the exploits of Tommy from the first Halloween and new character Kara who would be Jamie's adoptive cousin I guess. 

But that wasn't always how it went down.  As most horror fans know part six was a bit of a mess behind the scenes.  The infamous producer's cut of the film included a lot more information on the Thorn Cult and also some different plot elements.  In the original cut Jamie didn't die at the hands of Michael but instead was taken to a hospital.  There, later in the movie, she was taken out by the Man in Black with a gun.  Still not a very satisfactory ending to her character if you ask me.

The writer of Halloween 6, Daniel Farrands, is a true horror fan (he helped bring us the untouchable documentaries Never Sleep Again and Crystal Lake Memories recently) and a good writer.  I like how he fleshed out the Thorn concept that was established in part five and I personally really enjoy Halloween 6, I just don't think Jamie should have went out that way.  She definitely could have been a part of the plot, helping Tommy and Kara fight against the Thorn Cult and get some revenge for the terrible life she had to endure at their hands.  Alas, it didn't happen, and a couple of years later Steve Miner and crew effectively made the Jamie movies pointless with the retconning of H20 so does any of it really even matter? - TG

Five Legendary Moments from NBC's edit of Tremors.

Tremors is unquestionably one of the boys here at It's Only a Movie's top choice flicks of all time.  It is the perfect blend of horror and comedy with awesome monsters, a great cast of characters, and infinitely quotable dialogue.  But, the version of the movie that now sits on my shelf in all it's PG-13 glory isn't the one that I grew up on.  When I was a kid I recorded Tremors off of NBC's Saturday Night Movie presentation and I watched that VHS so often that it was burned into my mind.  So, when I finally saw the actual theatrical cut of the movie a few things seemed off.  Here are the top five moments from the hilarious television edit of Tremors:

The Ultra Depressing Life of Halloween's Jamie Lloyd Part 2

In case you missed part one check it out here!

The last time we saw Jamie Lloyd at the end of Halloween 4 she was covered in blood after stabbing her foster mom and Dr. Loomis was wanting to bust a cap in her with his trusty revolver (presumably six caps as that's his thing).  So, has Michael Myer's essence transferred into his niece making her the brand new prodigy of evil?  Nah, she's just spent the whole year that takes place between parts 4 and 5 a mute relegated to a children's hospital.  It's never really explained exactly why she attempted to kill her mom but I guess it is just supposed to be chalked up to the effects of the traumatic experience she had just went through.  Loomis is still lurking around too, not quite as gun happy as last year but he definitely has an eye on Jamie and suspects that she may have a connection with her uncle.

"Hey dude, I'm up."

He's right of course, and since Michael didn't die after the assault at the end of part 4 but instead took a lazy river ride to a hermit's shack for some year long complimentary room and board things are shaping up to be pretty crappy for Jamie on Halloween again.  We learn the extent of Jamie's link with Michael when he wakes up and kills the hermit (talk about being unappreciative of the dude who let you be in a coma on his couch for a year) and Jamie sees it in a vision.  Not good.

On the seemingly good side is the fact that Rachael, Jamie's foster sister from part 4, is still around though her foster parents are conveniently out of town.  Yep, good ol' strong willed Rachael who kept Jamie safe and helped put Michael down last time is there to make sure everything is okay.  Well, that is until she gets a pair of scissors in the neck about 15 minutes into the movie.  We are left with Tina, Rachael's friend who is the main teenage character of this movie for whatever reason (the reason probably being that the chick that played Rachael didn't want to commit to a starring role).  Tina is a pretty polarizing character among horror fans and while I fall on the side that can put up with her I can understand how some find her annoying.   Two other new characters also show up, one being Jamie's stuttering buddy from the hospital and the other a mysterious Man in Black whose face we don't see but who is lurking around all the events in the film.  One of these characters will prove to be important to the Halloween 4-6 mythology and the other one stutters.

"Something, something, heart made of neon"

But back to Tina for a second.  Because Jamie can now kinda see through Michael's eyes at times she knows that he has killed Tina's boyfriend and that Tina is now taking a ride with a killer.  Jamie is able to communicate that she knows where Michael is to Dr. Loomis (in the amazing Cookie Woman scene) and they are able to save Tina.  Jamie gets her voice back for some reason too, thus resolving a seemingly purposeless plot point.  Unable to graciously accept a life saving and spend the night with her savior though, Tina goes off to a party at a farm to be with her jerk boyfriend who an hour earlier abandoned her as far as she knows. Michael is headed there himself and because Jamie wants to try to save Tina she heads out on foot with  her stuttering buddy, thus putting herself in grave danger yet again.

Michael slashes a few teenagers and by the time Jamie and friend arrive at the farm Michael is chasing them and Tina in a car.  Michael's driving lessons from part 1 come into play but it seems unlikely that he would pass a driving test once he crashes into a tree.  He ain't dead though and he's after Jamie once again until Tina intervenes.  Tina gets a good stabbing, and while it definitely seems like she is probably dead they never really state that she is, and Jamie escapes with Loomis.  Loomis has a plan and it involves using poor little Jamie Lloyd as bait.  Loomis screams at the woods a bit, telling Michael to go home.

"Close enough."

How Michael knows to find his house is hard to say since what they are passing off as the Myers' house in this film is more along the lines of a castle than a small middle class home.  The director of part 5, Dominique Othenin-Girard, stated that he wanted to take the series back closer to the original but apparently his plan to do that involved changing tons of things not least of which was making Michael's childhood home a Gothic mansion. 

Jamie is successfully used as bait but her cop bodyguard is killed and she ends up trapped in a dang laundry shoot and has to use the stabbing of Michael's knife as a step to get out, only to go hide in the attic in a child's coffin.  Rough.  She has a sentimental moment with her uncle when she tries to communicate with him sensibly but it inevitably turns into a rage attack from Myers, yet another traumatic experience for our little hero.  She runs downstairs to find Loomis leading to a session between the good doc and his patient that includes some tranquilizer darts and a two-by-four.  Loomis seemingly does him in and they are all taken to the police station.

Michael is unstoked to be in chains in a prison cell as we seeing him rocking back and forth and it seems that the unstoppable madman has at least been captured finally.  All is well that ends well.  But remember that dude in a black trench coat?  He shows up with a freakin' machine gun and completely lays waste to the station, rescues Michael, and kidnaps Jamie.  Can this girl get a break? It's only been one year and she's had two awful nights in which she was tortured and saw tons of people die. 

Who was that dude?  What is his connection to Michael and what do they plan to do with Jamie?  Why does he have the same mark on his arm as Michael?  It wouldn't be revealed until six years later when Halloween 6 was finally released.  Click HERE for the third and final look at the sad state of poor Jamie's life soon and we'll find out. 

Interview with Vincent Renfield of The Renfields

TG: Vincent! Thanks for taking the time to do an interview, I'm a big fan of the band. Could you maybe introduce yourself and give people an idea of who The Renfields are if they don't know?

VR: Hi! I'm Vincent Renfield! I'm the singer, guitarist, and heart throb for the hit Transylvanian Pogo Punk band The Renfields... However I am currently only fulfilling about half of those qualifications in the band... since we are not a hit and I am not a heart throb... despite having a Justin Bieber haircut. The Renfields have been making music in the underground for the past 10 years, we have released a bunch of albums and played a ton of shows in that time... we're all very nice and personable individuals and Glen Danzig would be ashamed of us.

TG: Awesome! Could you go back and give us a history lesson of how the band came about?

VR: Yeah! The Renfields started out as a one man project around 2007. I was in another band and was really unhappy with where it was going, I attempted to convince everyone to quit and start the Renfields with me but they hated the idea and we disbanded. Instead of waiting to find band mates I started recording music in my bedroom on my Fostex 8 track recorder. I recorded everything in mono and played everything except for the drums. At the time I was using a drum machine, which became known as the Invisible Man. I released 2 full length CDs and used them to recruit members. The idea was to record everything in mono and mimmic budget rock bands like The Mummies and The Ripoffs. Eventually I met our first drummer Dr. Herbert III and we continued on as a 2 piece for a while, we were like a horror punk White Stripes... Over time we built up a full band with a bass player, pipe organ, and a mummy hype man/sample player. That lineup was solid for about 4 years and we continued recording and releasing DIY albums on our own. About 5 years ago we had a massive lineup change which was also the end of the budget rock/DIY Renfields. With a completely new lineup in place, we started making a conscious effort to make very polished pop punk music like Teenage Bottlerocket and Masked Intruder. The result of those efforts is our new album "GO!", which was the first Renfields album done in a professional studio.

TG: Very cool. Now, you re-recorded a good bit of songs from the old material for the new album. How did you go about picking which songs you wanted to put out on your first professionally recorded album?

VR: By the time we started recording our new album, all of our old CDs had been out of print for 3 years or more. We were in a situation where most people only knew our stuff from hearing it live. Due to our change of direction musically, the songs had sort of morphed into hybrid versions of the originals. We chose to do 10 old songs spanning our first 5 releases and 4 brand new ones that weren't on any of our previous releases. It took us 2 years to finally finish the new album, so by the time it was released even the "new" songs were old. The plan is to do 10 and 4 on each new release.  We still have about 25 songs that we would like to re-release.

TG: Sweet, sounds like we have something to look forward to over the next little bit. Now, since we are a horror page I'd like to get into the horror aspect of your band.  Your stage show and costumes are part of what set you apart in my opinion.  Were there a lot of bands that you took inspiration from or were you trying to do your own thing as far as the horror imagery and such goes?  

VR: My biggest influence when I started the band was Kiss. My older brother gave me a copy of Kiss Killers when I was 8 and it completely changed my definition of what a band was. For better or worse, after I saw that album cover I stopped thinking about what my future band was going to sound like and started thinking about our image and stage show. Obviously The Renfields didn't form until much later, but Kiss set me on the path. Later on it was the budget rock band The Mummies, Gwar, and King Diamond that played a part. There is obviously a Misfits connection there as well, but not so serious. In the end, horror punk is a lot of 30 year old men trying too look tough and scary and very few can pull it off. We took the approach of being actual monsters that were trying to fit in with normal people as opposed to being normal people trying to look like scary monsters.

TG: I agree that bands that try to recapture Danzig's "tough attitude" persona usually fall flat and I love that you guys just have fun with it.  Everytime I've seen you guys live it's been a blast.

VR: Thanks!

TG: A good bit of your songs are about horror movies and at times even reference actors like Nick Castle and Tom Atkins. What goes into writing one of your songs? Do you get inspired by movies to write specific songs or do you write music and then apply a theme to it?

VR: I always start with a title and then go from there. I write lyrics from the perspective of a really obsessive horror fan, so I like to put a lot of details and references that other obsessive horror fans will pick up on. I like to add in tag lines from the original movie posters and quotes from the films when I can. I try never to limit myself in terms of lyric writing. I don't force myself to write lyrics solely about the movies. A lot of Renfields songs have horror movie titles but reference ideas or situations outside of horror. On our Stalk and Slash Splatterama Part. 1 EP, we had a song called "War of the Robots" that was 50% about an episode of Lost in Space and 50% about Bush Jr. era politics. But I don't like to hit people over the head with that kind of thing so it's not overt. The song "Invisible Man" on our new album is the same way. It's about the movie but also about me having a resentment towards an ex band mate... Which I have since resolved, so I'm glad it's well hidden in dual meanings!

TG: Awesome. As a big horror fan I have to say that I definitely appreciate the details that you put into your songs. Something like referencing the song Mr. Sandman from Halloween II in your song "Halloween Night" just makes it even more cool. Aside from the songs that are obviously about specific horror films, you also have songs about The Renfields' backstory and their home of Transylvania which are really unique and deepen the mythology of the band. Is that just your creative side coming out, wanting to tell stories?

VR: The Transylvania songs work to further the characters in the band and the back story of the Renfields. The alternative is having a bunch of exposition in the stage banter and that requires things to be scripted, which is not appealing at all to us. For a band like Gwar it would be necessary. But we can manage with keeping it in song form. There is 10 years worth of Renfields lore to draw from at this point, so it's pretty easy.

TG: I'd like to know all of it, you should put out a book or something.

VR: We did have comic books... but they are long out of print!

TG: You guys have also in the past put out well made and hilarious videos for promotion and such. Have you ever given any thought to making a horror movie, or just a movie in general? 

VR: We did a short film called Christmas Break at Crystal Lake a couple years back. We originally planned on doing a monthly web series that was a horror punk version of the Monkees TV show. We ended up getting too busy with shows and recording to follow it through, but it's still on the to do list. 



TG: Sweet, I love to see that come to fruition. Well, Vincent, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to answer some questions for me, The Renfields are awesome and I hope to see the legend grow. Anything you would like to let people know that we didn't cover?

VR: All I'd like to say is take a second and check us out, burn it off the internet, buy it, see us live, steal it, whatever. And thanks!

Check out The Renfields and give them a 'like': The Renfields on Facebook
And pick up their new album GO!: The Renfields Store

Photos by Mike Winland Studios

Saw: The Tenth Anniversary Re-Release

It's hard to believe that the Saw film franchise has been around for 10 years.  In that time they managed to churn out 7 total films (of which I think I saw four...maybe five, I can't remember) and go from one of the hottest events of October for modern horror fans to the bargain bin.  By the time Paranormal Activity came along and gave people something completely different, I think people wanted a break from the ultra-violence and convoluted story lines.  It's now been 4 years since a new film has been released and Lions Gate decided to celebrate (and possibly test the waters a bit during) the tenth anniversary of the release of the original with a limited theatrical run.

My girlfriend and her buddy had a bit of a tradition of going to see each Saw sequel around Halloween so when it was announced that the original would be gracing screens again they were stoked.  I went along for the ride as well, making me one of apparently very few that went out to support the re-release.  Our theater was completely empty aside from us and a couple of young kids (without supervision who very possibly could have snuck in).  It was a matinee on a Saturday which might account for some of the empty seats but being only the second day of release I expected more people.  I'm sure Lions Gate did too but they only came up with around 315 bucks per theater according www.telegraph.co.uk.  Doesn't bode well if they really were gauging interest in a new installment in the series. 

How does the movie hold up?  Not bad, but I wouldn't say too great either.  The overall experience, especially the "twist" at the end, was still satisfying to me but some of the other components didn't age well.  The acting and editing were my main gripe I guess.  Leigh Whannell, who created the concept with director James Wan and wrote the script, is regrettably featured in way too big of a role for a debuting actor of his talents.  He just can't really cut it in some of the more intense scenes, but surprisingly Cary Elwes, who WAS a professional actor at the time and had been for years gives an at times cringe worth performance too.  Tobin Bell, as Jigsaw in a very limited role, and Danny Glover give good performances but they don't get the screen time Whannell and Elwes do.  The editing also doesn't sit well with me, way too much "kinetic cutting" and camera shaking during a lot of the flashbacks for my taste.

The main strength of the movie remains the concept and the twist.  I'm a big fan of movies that focus on characters stuck in situations and how they have to deal with it so a movie about two guys stuck in a room and not knowing how they got there is right up my alley.  I firmly believe that had the movie not become the huge success that it did it would be looked back on now as an unsung classic by horror fans. Unfortunately, the constant retconning and increasingly convoluted storyline of the cash-in sequels betrayed the simplicity that made the original so enjoyable. 

If you haven't seen it in a while and remember it fondly, I'd say you could find worse ways to spend two hours than checking it out again while it's on the big screen.  As for if we will ever see another entry, I guess time (and more likely money) will tell.  If they could recapture what they had with the original I might give another one a shot. - TG

The Ultra Depressing Life of Halloween's Jamie Lloyd Part 1

When Jamie Lloyd, who is the protagonist of Halloween 4 and 5 and also featured in Halloween 6, is first introduced she is an eight year old orphan suffering from intense nightmares of her murderous uncle...and her life doesn't ever get too much better from there.

Jamie (not too subtly named in honor of Jamie Lee Curtis who was onto more "legit" movies by that time) is daughter of Laurie Strode from the original Halloween and it's sequel and the niece of Michael Myers.  It's never stated who her dad is (it definitely ain't Ben Tramer) but both him and Laurie die, pretty anticlimactically by the way, in a car crash sometime between the second and forth films.  Maybe they were distracted by Tom Atkins running down the road raving about Halloween masks.

Even though Jamie now has a foster family that cares for her, her life is already pretty crappy.  She feels like a burden on her foster sister Rachael and the kids at school torment her relentlessly.  I've always felt that bullying in movies seems forced and fake more often than not but Halloween 4 takes the cake.  The kids that Jamie goes to school with give her crap simply because she doesn't have a costume on like they do and then proceed to rip on her because her mom is dead.  "Jamie's mommy...is a mummy!".  Low blow, fake 1988 eight year old kid, low freakin' blow.  After that they chase a crying Jamie out of the school chanting "Jamie's an orphan! Jamie's an orphan!".  Pretty over the top.  What does this make Jamie do?  Change her mind about not wanting to go trick or treating so she can fit in.  Social peer pressure is rough for nieces of Boogymen, dude.

"I'll just take this."

Jamie picks out a clown costume at the drug store (in which we see a ton of awesome '80s Halloween masks) in an allusion to the costume little Michael wore at the beginning of the original Halloween and is either riding high off of some double scoops or looking forward to them.  But she can't make it out of the scene without something bad happening and ends up seeing "Nightmare Man" in the drug store.  She freaks out and breaks a mirror and everybody just assumes that she...hallucinated I guess?  No such luck though as Nightmare Man is Michael in the flesh and he just got himself a brand new white face mask.  Her evening isn't about to get any better.

Rachael takes her trick or treating she runs into the bullies from school who now miraculously want to be friends since she has a costume.  Little jerks.  But once a curfew is called and all the kids are picked up by their parents, Jamie is alone and scared. After finally meeting back up with Rachael they are escorted by some cops to a house to hold up because Jamie's uncle is on another murder rampage and his intended target just happens to be his niece.  Well, of course, everyone in the house aside from Rachael and Jamie are murdered and after a brief detour at the Haddonfield school with Dr. Loomis the girls are on the run.

It all culminates with Michael on the receiving end of a pick up truck and what basically amounts to a SWAT team.  Michael falls into a well (I guess that what that is) and nobody thinks to follow him or make sure he is dead but all is well that ends well.  Oh, except for that brief moment when Jamie touched Michael while he was down for a minute.  That probably wasn't good.

The girls are brought home and Jamie's foster mother is fixing her a nice warm bath.  Could it be that this poor girl is going to escape with a happy ending?  The ominous POV shot that just put on a clown mask and picked up a pair of scissors puts an end to that thought.  Jamie, who has had a pretty rough Halloween, has decided to end the day by stabbing her foster mom.  Has Michael's evil been transferred into his little niece?  Loomis, who is ready to bust a cap into an eight year old, seems to think so but nobody found out until a year later when Halloween 5 was released and that will be the movie I look at in the next part of this three part look at the life of one of the most put upon characters in history. - TG


Check out part 2 here!

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

 H20 has definitely grown on me over the years.  When I first saw it in the theater in 1998 I was just turning twelve years old and though I was already a huge fan of the original Halloween I wasn't expecting something that moved along at the slower pace of the original when I bought my ticket (without parental supervision by the way...ah, the good ol' days).  What I was hoping for was something more along the lines of the last few Halloween flicks that had come out:  a faster pace, a hearty helping of gore, even a dash of nudity possibly (hey, even the original had that).  Basically a Friday the 13th flick with Michael doing the slashing.  What I got was more along the lines of Scream meets the original Halloween.  The movie seems to try to mirror what happened in the original almost beat for beat at times and that's all well and good but it doesn't save it from being just mediocre.

The film was made with the intention of ignoring entries 3-6 in the series and being a sequel to the original two films only (though arguments can be made that the other Michael centric sequels still happened since in both timelines Laurie supposedly dies from a car accident...it would just make her worst mother of the year for abandoning Jamie from 4, 5, and 6).  Ignoring sequels always kinda gets on my nerves, regardless of how terrible they are, so that's a small strike against it right out of the gate.  Other things that don't really set well with me are the facts that:

1.  Loomis isn't around (Donald Pleasence was dead so that's a decent excuse but it still doesn't feel right without him).  They do show a picture of him and even include a voice-over during the opening credits that is supposed to be him but they used a different voice actor even though he is saying lines from previous films which is a bit of slap in the face.  The Dracula/Van Helsing dynamic of Loomis and Myers is part of what makes the series so good so it's sorely missed.

 2.  The characters aren't very good or likeable.  Laurie is an alcoholic, paranoid, overbearing mother and while that might be understandable after what she went through in the past but it's a far cry from the nice girl from the first two that we came to know.  Her son is whiny and...that's about it really.  Assuming you want to believe all the movies happen I don't know why she would abandon cute little Jamie and keep this douche around.  The rest are your typical late '90s "slasher" victims and they barely have any screen time.  It's bad when the most likeable character in the movie is L.L. Cool J.

3.  The mask/masks are pretty rough looking.  According to the people behind the scenes there were no less than 3 different masks used in the making of the film and none of them look good.  I'm not really a huge fan of any of the series' masks aside from the original and part 6 but a freakin' CGI mask takes things to a new low.

4.  Last but not least is the music.  The Halloween series has one of the best scores of any horror film series thanks to the iconic foundation John Carpenter laid in the first film.  You would think that this film would utilize that trump card but instead the movie features way more music from Scream than anything else.  Yep, Scream.  The heads at Dimension films thought the movie needed a bit more kick so out went the eerie Carpenter themes to be replaced by music from another film series that had just started two years prior.  This still blows my mind.  If you are at all familiar with the Scream films it is really noticeable too.  I wonder if anyone has ever re-edited the movie with Halloween themes...that would be interesting to see.

All these things said, it's still not the worst movie ever made or anything.  It's a Halloween movie made in the wake of Screams popularity and it really shows but there is enough influence of the original here to make it enjoyable.  Seeing Laurie's character arc from someone living in terror to someone confronting what is haunting them is decent and the movie ends on what could have been a definitive end for the series had part 8 not come along and retconned it with one of the more ridiculous ideas of any of the big series.  It's also worth noting that Steve Miner, who directed Friday the 13th Part 2 and 3, directed this movie so it's cool to see his take on Halloween.  Give it watch if you're bored, marathoning the series, or tired of the other entries. - TG

Hard Rock Zombies

Hardrock Zombies, to me, is the holy grail of cheesy horror flicks. It started off as just footage shot to be shown on a drive in movie screen in the background of another film but was actually just filmed to completion itself. This flick features a song that will resurrect the dead, an awesome "skateboarding/townsfolk looking on in disapproval" montage, a midget zombie trying to eat a cow, a midget zombie trying to eat himself and above all else....Hitler! That's right. Hitler wasn't killed during WW2, he just moved to the country with his wife and midget grandsons to figure out a new way to conquer the world. The band is practicing at Hitler's joint when they are electrocuted to death. The resurrection song, having been previously recorded, is played by Cassie (the underage love interest of the lead singer!). The band is resurrected and mayhem ensues. If you've never heard of this movie I couldn't suggest looking it up more. It's perfectly bad. -TC

Blood Salvage

Blood Salvage, from 1990, is the type of movie that this page is made for. It's a low rent Texas Chainsaw knock off about a hillbilly and his two "slow" sons who kidnap people and keep them alive with hillbilly science in order to sell their body parts to Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Not too many familiar faces in this but John Saxon is in it and Evander Holyfield makes one of the most pointless cameos of all time.
The actual plot of the flick is that the main hillbilly has fallen in love with John Saxon's wheelchair bound beauty pagent contestant daughter and kidnaps the family with intentions of making her walk again with his vague backwoods medical know how. The fact that in order to make that happen he will have to take some spinal fluid from her younger brother doesn't seem to bother him. Make no mistake, this movie is ridiculous but it's the glorious kind of ridiculous. The skinny son (because of course there is a fat one and a skinny one) is so over the top and awful at acting that he stands out as the funniest part for me.
I don't know how hard it is to come by, I bought a bootleg of it a few years ago at a convention because I always remembered the cover art from the video store as a kid, but if you can find it give it a watch. - TG

Slither

The lady friend picked Slither last night for our ongoing October Horror-thon and that was perfectly fine with me. This movie is absolutely one of the top choices for a future cult film from the past ten years. James Gunn, who got his start writing for Troma and broke into the mainstream writing the Scooby Doo movie and Dawn of the Dead remake, made his directorial debut with this one from a script he wrote. He is probably more well known now for writing and directing Guardians of the Galaxy for Marvel nowadays but he is definitely a horror nerd at heart.
The movie is a play on the Night of the Creeps style space slug infected zombie and while some dismiss it as a pure rip off I see it as way more of an homage. There are tons of references to classic horror films and directors that will keep fans interested and the cast is awesome. Michael Rooker slowly turns into a giant squid monster commanding an army of zombies and Nathan Fillion is the affable police cheif in over his head.
If you dig horror comedies along the lines of Return of the Living Dead, Tremors, or Evil Dead 2 you'll probably have fun with this one. It stands as a perfect stepping stone between Gunn's earlier career in low budget gross out movies and his current superstar status as a director of audience pleasing fare like Guardians. - TG

Leprechaun: Origins

I watched Leprechaun: Origins last night and it was in no way what I expected.  Not that it was any different than any other "group of friends stuck in a house while something tries to get them" movie. It wasn't at all an origin story of the leprechaun Warwick Davis made famous. 

This little guy was a vicious little flesh eating Pumpkinhead lookin' thing. I was expecting a murderous midget spitting dirty lymrics and "Give me back me gold!"   What I got was 4 friends trapped in a house by an Irish father and son trying to protect their village.  Offering them up to the leprechaun as a sacrifice. Gold is on this leprechaun's list but it ain't that high on it.  It more or less targeted the people wearing gold as victims using his leprechaun/predator vision.  Every shot from his pov is all yellowed out almost as if everything looked like gold to him.  So no sir, this wasn't my leprechaun movie.  It tries to be too straight forward while anyone watching a movie about a killer leprechaun should know better. -TC

Pinocchio's Revenge

Pinocchio's Revenge. I've been seeing this movie on video store shelves since 1996, the year it was released straight to video (I believe). I always kinda felt like it would be something I would like since I'm usually a sucker for the low budget horror that came out in the early-mid '90s before Scream changed everything but didn't ever actually check it out until last night.
The cover and synopsis seem to assure you that you'll be getting some cheesy Full Moon style killer doll action but that's not what it is at all. Written and directed by Kevin S. Tenney (who gave us the awesome Night of the Demons and Witchboard), what we actually have here is a more serious "psychological thriller" style flick dealing with the seperation issues a young girl is suffering after the divorce of her parents. Don't worry though, there is a strange Pinocchio doll involved too.
Despite the high concept and relatively entertaining story, this movie can't hide it's low budget stripes. Gratutitous nanny nudity, generally bad acting, and cheap sets give it away. Not that that's a bad thing. It's still a pretty good watch and a pleasant surprise. You could do way worse - TG

You're Next

I have to throw a recommendation out to one of the best modern horror flicks I've seen in a while: You're Next. I usually don't get my hopes up for modern slashers because they usually are missing something that makes me love the older ones but this one had me entertained the whole way through. I went into it expecting another home invasion flick along the lines of The Strangers or even The Purge (which I had just watched and been bored to tears by) but was suprised to find something more along the lines of a slasher with some twists, turns, and a genre defying heroine thrown in for good measure. Some of the twists and revelations may be somewhat obvious to people that pay close attention (which my lady can claim though I have to be honest and say some of them took me by surprise...in hindsight it seems pretty obvious though) but that doesn't take away from how fun the whole thing is. It's streaming on Netflix right now so check it out. - TG

Night of the Demons

This one is always on my "Must watch for Halloween" list. A fat punk rocker with C.O.C. stickers on his car named Stooge. A goth chick getting possessed by demons and dancing to Bauhaus. A grumpy old man trying to destroy kids by putting razor blades in apples. It's a classic. This awesome artwork is from the vinyl soundtrack release put out earlier this year by Lunaris Records. - TG

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

I checked out this awesome piece of the '80s personified yesterday. If you have any desire at all to see a movie with a ton of double entrendre about how big Elvira's boobs are, Will a.k.a. The Wizard Master from Dream Warriors checking out Elvira's butt, or a disgusting witchcraft cassarole enduced old people orgy this is the flick for you dude. - TG