Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

 H20 has definitely grown on me over the years.  When I first saw it in the theater in 1998 I was just turning twelve years old and though I was already a huge fan of the original Halloween I wasn't expecting something that moved along at the slower pace of the original when I bought my ticket (without parental supervision by the way...ah, the good ol' days).  What I was hoping for was something more along the lines of the last few Halloween flicks that had come out:  a faster pace, a hearty helping of gore, even a dash of nudity possibly (hey, even the original had that).  Basically a Friday the 13th flick with Michael doing the slashing.  What I got was more along the lines of Scream meets the original Halloween.  The movie seems to try to mirror what happened in the original almost beat for beat at times and that's all well and good but it doesn't save it from being just mediocre.

The film was made with the intention of ignoring entries 3-6 in the series and being a sequel to the original two films only (though arguments can be made that the other Michael centric sequels still happened since in both timelines Laurie supposedly dies from a car accident...it would just make her worst mother of the year for abandoning Jamie from 4, 5, and 6).  Ignoring sequels always kinda gets on my nerves, regardless of how terrible they are, so that's a small strike against it right out of the gate.  Other things that don't really set well with me are the facts that:

1.  Loomis isn't around (Donald Pleasence was dead so that's a decent excuse but it still doesn't feel right without him).  They do show a picture of him and even include a voice-over during the opening credits that is supposed to be him but they used a different voice actor even though he is saying lines from previous films which is a bit of slap in the face.  The Dracula/Van Helsing dynamic of Loomis and Myers is part of what makes the series so good so it's sorely missed.

 2.  The characters aren't very good or likeable.  Laurie is an alcoholic, paranoid, overbearing mother and while that might be understandable after what she went through in the past but it's a far cry from the nice girl from the first two that we came to know.  Her son is whiny and...that's about it really.  Assuming you want to believe all the movies happen I don't know why she would abandon cute little Jamie and keep this douche around.  The rest are your typical late '90s "slasher" victims and they barely have any screen time.  It's bad when the most likeable character in the movie is L.L. Cool J.

3.  The mask/masks are pretty rough looking.  According to the people behind the scenes there were no less than 3 different masks used in the making of the film and none of them look good.  I'm not really a huge fan of any of the series' masks aside from the original and part 6 but a freakin' CGI mask takes things to a new low.

4.  Last but not least is the music.  The Halloween series has one of the best scores of any horror film series thanks to the iconic foundation John Carpenter laid in the first film.  You would think that this film would utilize that trump card but instead the movie features way more music from Scream than anything else.  Yep, Scream.  The heads at Dimension films thought the movie needed a bit more kick so out went the eerie Carpenter themes to be replaced by music from another film series that had just started two years prior.  This still blows my mind.  If you are at all familiar with the Scream films it is really noticeable too.  I wonder if anyone has ever re-edited the movie with Halloween themes...that would be interesting to see.

All these things said, it's still not the worst movie ever made or anything.  It's a Halloween movie made in the wake of Screams popularity and it really shows but there is enough influence of the original here to make it enjoyable.  Seeing Laurie's character arc from someone living in terror to someone confronting what is haunting them is decent and the movie ends on what could have been a definitive end for the series had part 8 not come along and retconned it with one of the more ridiculous ideas of any of the big series.  It's also worth noting that Steve Miner, who directed Friday the 13th Part 2 and 3, directed this movie so it's cool to see his take on Halloween.  Give it watch if you're bored, marathoning the series, or tired of the other entries. - TG

Hard Rock Zombies

Hardrock Zombies, to me, is the holy grail of cheesy horror flicks. It started off as just footage shot to be shown on a drive in movie screen in the background of another film but was actually just filmed to completion itself. This flick features a song that will resurrect the dead, an awesome "skateboarding/townsfolk looking on in disapproval" montage, a midget zombie trying to eat a cow, a midget zombie trying to eat himself and above all else....Hitler! That's right. Hitler wasn't killed during WW2, he just moved to the country with his wife and midget grandsons to figure out a new way to conquer the world. The band is practicing at Hitler's joint when they are electrocuted to death. The resurrection song, having been previously recorded, is played by Cassie (the underage love interest of the lead singer!). The band is resurrected and mayhem ensues. If you've never heard of this movie I couldn't suggest looking it up more. It's perfectly bad. -TC

Blood Salvage

Blood Salvage, from 1990, is the type of movie that this page is made for. It's a low rent Texas Chainsaw knock off about a hillbilly and his two "slow" sons who kidnap people and keep them alive with hillbilly science in order to sell their body parts to Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Not too many familiar faces in this but John Saxon is in it and Evander Holyfield makes one of the most pointless cameos of all time.
The actual plot of the flick is that the main hillbilly has fallen in love with John Saxon's wheelchair bound beauty pagent contestant daughter and kidnaps the family with intentions of making her walk again with his vague backwoods medical know how. The fact that in order to make that happen he will have to take some spinal fluid from her younger brother doesn't seem to bother him. Make no mistake, this movie is ridiculous but it's the glorious kind of ridiculous. The skinny son (because of course there is a fat one and a skinny one) is so over the top and awful at acting that he stands out as the funniest part for me.
I don't know how hard it is to come by, I bought a bootleg of it a few years ago at a convention because I always remembered the cover art from the video store as a kid, but if you can find it give it a watch. - TG

Slither

The lady friend picked Slither last night for our ongoing October Horror-thon and that was perfectly fine with me. This movie is absolutely one of the top choices for a future cult film from the past ten years. James Gunn, who got his start writing for Troma and broke into the mainstream writing the Scooby Doo movie and Dawn of the Dead remake, made his directorial debut with this one from a script he wrote. He is probably more well known now for writing and directing Guardians of the Galaxy for Marvel nowadays but he is definitely a horror nerd at heart.
The movie is a play on the Night of the Creeps style space slug infected zombie and while some dismiss it as a pure rip off I see it as way more of an homage. There are tons of references to classic horror films and directors that will keep fans interested and the cast is awesome. Michael Rooker slowly turns into a giant squid monster commanding an army of zombies and Nathan Fillion is the affable police cheif in over his head.
If you dig horror comedies along the lines of Return of the Living Dead, Tremors, or Evil Dead 2 you'll probably have fun with this one. It stands as a perfect stepping stone between Gunn's earlier career in low budget gross out movies and his current superstar status as a director of audience pleasing fare like Guardians. - TG

Leprechaun: Origins

I watched Leprechaun: Origins last night and it was in no way what I expected.  Not that it was any different than any other "group of friends stuck in a house while something tries to get them" movie. It wasn't at all an origin story of the leprechaun Warwick Davis made famous. 

This little guy was a vicious little flesh eating Pumpkinhead lookin' thing. I was expecting a murderous midget spitting dirty lymrics and "Give me back me gold!"   What I got was 4 friends trapped in a house by an Irish father and son trying to protect their village.  Offering them up to the leprechaun as a sacrifice. Gold is on this leprechaun's list but it ain't that high on it.  It more or less targeted the people wearing gold as victims using his leprechaun/predator vision.  Every shot from his pov is all yellowed out almost as if everything looked like gold to him.  So no sir, this wasn't my leprechaun movie.  It tries to be too straight forward while anyone watching a movie about a killer leprechaun should know better. -TC

Pinocchio's Revenge

Pinocchio's Revenge. I've been seeing this movie on video store shelves since 1996, the year it was released straight to video (I believe). I always kinda felt like it would be something I would like since I'm usually a sucker for the low budget horror that came out in the early-mid '90s before Scream changed everything but didn't ever actually check it out until last night.
The cover and synopsis seem to assure you that you'll be getting some cheesy Full Moon style killer doll action but that's not what it is at all. Written and directed by Kevin S. Tenney (who gave us the awesome Night of the Demons and Witchboard), what we actually have here is a more serious "psychological thriller" style flick dealing with the seperation issues a young girl is suffering after the divorce of her parents. Don't worry though, there is a strange Pinocchio doll involved too.
Despite the high concept and relatively entertaining story, this movie can't hide it's low budget stripes. Gratutitous nanny nudity, generally bad acting, and cheap sets give it away. Not that that's a bad thing. It's still a pretty good watch and a pleasant surprise. You could do way worse - TG

You're Next

I have to throw a recommendation out to one of the best modern horror flicks I've seen in a while: You're Next. I usually don't get my hopes up for modern slashers because they usually are missing something that makes me love the older ones but this one had me entertained the whole way through. I went into it expecting another home invasion flick along the lines of The Strangers or even The Purge (which I had just watched and been bored to tears by) but was suprised to find something more along the lines of a slasher with some twists, turns, and a genre defying heroine thrown in for good measure. Some of the twists and revelations may be somewhat obvious to people that pay close attention (which my lady can claim though I have to be honest and say some of them took me by surprise...in hindsight it seems pretty obvious though) but that doesn't take away from how fun the whole thing is. It's streaming on Netflix right now so check it out. - TG

Night of the Demons

This one is always on my "Must watch for Halloween" list. A fat punk rocker with C.O.C. stickers on his car named Stooge. A goth chick getting possessed by demons and dancing to Bauhaus. A grumpy old man trying to destroy kids by putting razor blades in apples. It's a classic. This awesome artwork is from the vinyl soundtrack release put out earlier this year by Lunaris Records. - TG

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

I checked out this awesome piece of the '80s personified yesterday. If you have any desire at all to see a movie with a ton of double entrendre about how big Elvira's boobs are, Will a.k.a. The Wizard Master from Dream Warriors checking out Elvira's butt, or a disgusting witchcraft cassarole enduced old people orgy this is the flick for you dude. - TG